Common church youth activities decried as ‘too gay’

By staff writers
April 1, 2011

A new campaigning church group has been launched to promote “muscular Christianity” amongst the young, and to provide sensitive guidance over the many “inappropriate activities” it says are now commonly practised within local congregations.

The freshly-launched network, Concerned Christians Resisting (CCR), has surprised some churches by delivering leaflets warning them “in the strongest possible biblical terms” against dangers inherent in family-based summer holiday trips.

CCR is particularly concerned that camping activities sound “too gay”, and may subliminally induce impressionable young churchgoers to develop a “dangerous sympathy” for “non-heterosexual lifestyles”.

A spokesperson said that the group is also “carefully monitoring” bell ringing, formally known as campanology, which is still openly encouraged in many Anglican churches.

A Church of England representative said: “I have not personally come across these CCR leaflets, but dangers they refer to sound precisely the kind of thing that the Anglican Covenant has been designed to stamp out on a consensual, global basis.”

Concerned Christians Resisting would not speak directly to Ekklesia. The group of “intensely normal, caring believers” says that what it deems “unsound thoughts” are now easily transmitted by the latest mobile technology used liberally in media interviews.

CCR members have pledged to remain “largely anonymous” to avoid “widespread persecution against people with normal, everyday prejudices” in modern Britain.


Yes, this was our 2011 April Fool, in case you were wondering.

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